I'm just bitter because my chocolate rabbit melted in transit.

What's with Easter and the weird candy? Peeps and Cadbury Creme Eggs (mmm, mucus) and black jelly beans: all gross. Eggums? Not normal. And what about those chocolate rabbits that are hollow? How upsetting is that? "I'll buy five inches of chocolate—except half of it isn't there. Hey, that's a stellar deal!"

I'm ready for Halloween. Normal candy and heathen practices, the way God intended.