For T., who should be working on her thesis and not reading other people's blogs:

I like to be the pot who calls the kettle black.

I went to Goodwill today on a break from homework, and had an all-around good time. There's no Goodwill store close to my house, so I had to drive to one in B.F.E. all by myself. I felt very brave and independent, and I found it on the first try. As I pulled in to the parking lot, I actually said to myself, "Who's a badass? I'm a badass." Clearly, I need to do more things on my own.

Anyway, Goodwill is a plethora of treasures, but more importantly, it's a good place to practice saying, "What the hell were you thinking?" I had to resist buying a lot of stuff just so I could take it to my friends and say, "Can you believe somebody actually bought this once? Uh, I mean...." For example, there was one very fine black tulle dress with paper flowers glued to it. Terribly tempting, but not my size. There was a plastic jewelry box shaped like Flounder from The Little Mermaid, a red T-shirt that said "Weiners on Telephone Road," and a blue snakeskin belt with a buckle the size of my palm. The book section alone was the most informative thing I've read all week. I learned that the apocalypse is coming (if you're not Baptist, you're evidently screwed), the Atkins diet works, I can learn to speed read in under a week, and, that "nice girls do." That last was an actual title.

In the end I bought a grey tank top and four children's books. The most exciting one is called Me Too Iguana, which I have been looking for in aeons so I can show my friends. They are always confused as to why I use the phrase "me too, iguana," to sympathize, and now I can prove that I didn't just make it up. Jacquelyn Reinach did.

Yeah, my thesis is never getting done.