The rules of IM

Oh, you know there are rules, and you know that you're breaking them. Just in case you're confused, however, as to what is and is not acceptable, let me refresh your memory:

1. Screennames: Pick something relatively easy to remember. This is your only requirement when racking your brain for a screenname. Things that aren't easy to remember: random strings of numbers, creative spelling. The worst screenname ever would be like KraizeeGurrrl84206. Nobody wants to look at that.

2. Style: You're not excused because you're typing. Let's shoot for at least ending punctuation and some rudimentary capitalization, okay? Proper names and such? I know hitting that Shift key is just exhausting for your poor little pinkies, but give it a go, all right?

3. Content: There are some things that are probably better left to face-to-face interaction. Fighting is a good example. Don't fight over IM. Don't break up. Don't reveal major changes in life status (that you've married a man named Dean, for example).

4. Abbreviations: I've said this before, but don't use abbreviations that you can't find in the dictionary. It's not cool, it's annoying. And it's bad for you, k?

5. Attentiveness: If you're going to talk on IM, talk on IM. If you're going to pick your nose, pick your nose. But don't start a conversation with me and then wander off for five minutes with your finger buried up to the second knuckle while I wait for your response. It's just rude. And gross. Get a kleenex.

6. Away Messages: Use them when you're, you know, away. Or at least let your screenname go idle. Don't make me guess whether you're there or not. I don't want to send you a goofy greeting that you get three hours later and make me explain when it's just not funny anymore.

7. Profiles: If you're going to define your personal profile, I have two words for you: NO LYRICS. It smacks of overblown teen angst. Poetry is one thing, lyrics are something else again. This also applies to away messages.

Okay, that's all I can think of off-hand, because I'm only talking to one person right now, and he's not doing anything to annoy me. But rest assured, if I think of anything else, I'll let you know.