Things I do that make my cat insane

Owner Action: Putting small black collar on cat.
Cat Reaction: Yowl. Bite collar, bite owner, bite brass I.D. tag. Groom chest repeatedly. Attempt to get head petted so owner will notice cruel oppression of cat's nudist sensibilities and remove offending item.

Owner Action: Applying mascara to eyelashes (alternatively, plucking eyebrows, putting in contacts, flossing, or any activity that requires fine motor skills and mirror)
Cat Reaction: Yowl. Jump on bathroom counter. Repeatedly butt head into owner's elbow until owner (a) pokes eye out, or (b) knocks cat into damp sink.

Owner Action: Attempting to walk the six feet from kitchen to desk carrying bowl of Honeycombs cereal.
Cat Reaction: Yowl. Walk directly under owner's feet. When kicked, yowl and flop down approximately two inches in front of where owner will put down her foot next. After mess has been cleaned and new bowl of cereal has been retrieved, cat may (a) repeat, or (b) wait patiently until owner sits, and then jump on desk and quickly begin eating Honeycomb.

Owner Action: Flushing toilet.
Cat Reaction: Yowl. Jump out of bathtub, put front two paws up on toilet seat and watch water swirl away. Never become less fascinated by this process. For added bonus, jump up on toilet seat entirely and drink from toilet as it refills. Eat out of owner's cereal bowl at soonest opportunity.

Owner Action: Writing with pen.
Cat Reaction: Yowl. Bite end of pen, disrupting owner's handwriting with line extending half way across page. If pen is moved, hold down owner's hand with paw (claws extended) and bite again. Attempt to puncture ink core so owner ends up with large black splotch on hand.

Owner Action: Sleep.
Cat Reaction: Yowl. Walk on owner's bed. Walk on owner's pillow. Walk on owner. Walk near owner, but do not touch her. Lay on owner, and yowl annoyedly when she rolls over. Put wet nose on inside of owner's elbow. Put wet nose on owner's stomach. Put wet nose on owner's cheek. Lay in front of alarm clock, so when owner attempts to hit snooze, she inadvertently pets cat instead. Bite owner's toes through sheet. Knead owner's breast. Leave owner alone for 15 minutes, then, just when owner has fallen asleep again, bunt owner's nose. When owner finally gets up, curl up for nap.