Petticoats and cravats for everybody!

I hate the '80s. I know, it's practically heresy among my friends, but seriously, does that decade have any redeeming value? Stupid clothes, stupid music, stupid politics...I mean, really. Perhaps the most spectacularly awful decade in history.

And of course, now the '80s are all hip again, which I absolutely reject. As M! observed, toys from the decade are being re-released, and evidently the Brits are all about '80s fashion. Stop. Just stop. Live in the now. Wear pants that aren't spray-painted on. Do not allow your hair to stray more than an inch or two from your head. Admit to yourself that Michael Jackson has always been more than a little off.

Part of my problem might be that I was born in 1981. I was a horribly awkward child in a terribly unfortunate time, and the combination worked its black magic and saw me wearing too much neon and coveting a Cabbage Patch Kid while I sang Michael Bolton songs. The image is painful and the memory more so. I don't need to relive it, and I don't think anybody else in America really does, either.

Actually, while we're at it, let me just say I reject reliving any decade. Th '60s are not inherently cooler than the '90s, and frankly, I'm just going to cry in 10 years when the '90s are on their way back in. Can't we just think up new trends instead of recycling lame ones already rejected over 20 years ago?

Or, if we must relieve a decade, let's make it the '70s. The 1870s.