But what if I want to eat the blue ones?

The whirlwind weekend, in bullet points:

6:32 a.m., just north of Topeka, KS: "Dairy Queen! I bet those bitches would have ice cream!"

If you're going to be the breakfast Nazi and tell us we can't have ice cream, you probably shouldn't admit four hours later that you occasionally eat Pez for breakfast.

M2 will totally believe anything I tell him, especially over text messaging. It's like a Jedi mind trick with cell phones.

What is the deal with ConAgra? They put Slim Jims in everybody's newspaper, and they let you run around on their campus at 1:30 in the morning while you have a Deep Discussion. The security guard drove past us four times and never even paused. Admittedly, four kids in polo shirts sitting in the grass talking don't really look all that scary.

Watching one of your friends laugh until he cries and starts making "hoo hoo hoo" noises is a big warm fuzzy. Especially if he's laughing at something totally inappropriate that he's already heard twice. "Hook-ed on puh-honics work-ed for me!"

My parents proved yet again that they're awesome, getting up at 5:30 a.m. to drive two hours and take the three of us out for breakfast. Then they drove home. We were the sole purpose for their trip. And my mom brought cookies.

I could watch the penguins at the zoo aquarium all day. Now that I know they have a webcam on them, I might. The baby sea lion was also adorable.

Catch phrases we overused this weekend: "Rock and roll," "feeble," "freaky-deaky Dutch bastard," "in like Flynn," "how about no, Scott," "possums," "imbicilen!" "why don't you shut up?" and the ubiquitous "your mom."

If you haven't seen the movie Bull Durham, best do so before your next baseball game. I don't know how people who haven't seen it get through a game. Every time there's a conference on the mound, M! is going, "Well, candlesticks always make a nice gift, and maybe you can find out where she's registered, maybe get her a nice place setting or something. Now let's go get 'em," and whenever a pitch goes wild, I bust out with, "I wouldn't dig in there if I were you. The next one could be at your head. I don't know where it's going, I swear to God." There's an appropriate quote for every part of the game.

If I had to spend the weekend essentially chained at the ankles to two other people, M! and S would totally be my first choices. I will say, though, that when you spend 60 straight hours with two people, you sort of run out of new things to talk about. "Hey, guess who I saw...oh. You were there. You saw him too. Right, then."

I have a lot of freakin' annoying habits that come out when I drive. I'm constantly adjusting the knobs on the dashboard—volume up, volume down, volume up, volume down, little more down, little more down, oh, now up again, back down...I'm surprised M! and S didn't tie my right hand to the stick shift. I also tend to read road signs aloud for no apparent reason. "Perry, 27 miles." "Lanes narrow ahead. Reduce speed." Great, thanks, Einstein. Good thing you read that, since your traveling companions are illiterate.

If you walk out of a gas station and can't find the car you're supposed to be riding in, it might be a good idea to check behind the building to see if your friends have hidden it from you. Don't be lazy, it makes our practical jokes less fun. Also, don't take so long in the bathroom. It makes us antsy.

Even if you're young and foolish, it's kind of a bitch to drive 32 hours of 60.