Btw, imho u r not 2 cool 4—uh, brb, k?

I am sitting at my desk seriously wondering if there is anything I hate more than Internet abbreviation language. Right at this moment, I can't think of anything. I realize it's supposedly efficient and "hip" or whatever, but honestly, if you're over the age of 13, give it up. You sound like you're signing a middle school yearbook, and you're never going to get far in life that way. Frankly, even if you are a 13-year-old, if you have an IQ over 100, you're SOL on looking cool with the abbreviations. ("SOL" is one of the few abbreviations I can get behind because it's been around since the beginning of time. And it contains profanity. Funny story: when I was six I heard my dad say SOL, and when I asked what it meant, he told me it stood for "Sorry, Out of Luck." I believed that until I was eighteen and used the phrase in front of some very conservative, very Christian friends. They were shocked and I was confused for about thirty seconds. I tried to explain what I thought it meant, but I don't think they bought it. Darn you and your not swearing in front of a six-year-old, Dad! [And then I stabbed him. Sorry, not as funny as I first thought.]). As far as efficiency goes, making me decode "imhbeo" and "yaifutsoa"* is not saving anybody time, particularly because I'm going to take ten minutes to chew you out about it. And you can't possibly make me believe that it takes SOOOO much longer to type "you" instead of "u", especially for a good typist. Admittedly, most 13-year-olds use the hunt-and-peck method, but then they go to high school and (hopefully) learn to type, supporting my point that after age 13, there's no excuse.

I'm not a total hardnose about it—the occasional "brb" is fine, although I generally avoid using it myself. "Lol" makes me cringe for the sheer dorkiness factor. I use "k" when I'm being patronizingly tolerant on Instant Messenger, but otherwise I try to eschew unnecessary abbreviations in my own writing, and I avoid people who use it. Maybe this means I'm not "hip" (although it's surely not the only indicator on that front), but mostly I think it means I have a modicum of respect for my mother tongue and I like to pervert it as little as possible. And before you get started, I know that language is in a constant state of flux, blah-betty-blah, but in general, the point of language is to promote understanding. This is just promoting my irritation and your laziness, so knock it off.

*"you're an idiot for using this sort of abbreviation"