If you put that on your cereal, I swear that I'm going home

You know you have to pay for ketchup at McDonald's here, right? Yeah, it's like 25¢ extra or something.

I don't understand this, because as far as I can tell, the Austrians have a national ketchup addiction. I have seen them eat ketchup on things that just make you shudder. And seriously, I got used to my sister eating ketchup on carrot sticks when she was five and I was nine, so I'm not exaggerating here.

Ketchup goes on all the normal things—hot dogs and meatloaf, you know. However, not on french fries. As Pulp Fiction taught us, they eat mayonnaise on french fries here. Anyway, ketchup on the usual stuff, and then ketchup on mashed potatoes, bread, beef jerky, in soup. I think they'd put it on the dessert if the bottles weren't usually empty by the time it rolled around.

I've seen the kids in the internat eat the leftover ketchup off their plate—by itself. Next time you want to trigger your gag reflex, just think about that. Spoonful of ketchup, straight down the gullet, no chaser. Mmm.