Yeah, I have a 50-page paper to write. What of it?

Here's what I know about procrastination: the older I get, the worse I am about it. There are five basic levels of procrastination, and I'm a master of all of them. Here they are, in order of increasing severity.

1. Denial Procrastination. Procrastinator ignores task entirely to do whatever she wants. May include napping, shopping, or other unrelated but enjoyable activity.


2. Assisted Procrastination. Procrastinator would work if others would stop interrupting. Any form of distraction from friends, family, or wandering salesmen qualifies; distractions usually enticing.


3. Proximal Procrastination. Procrastinator is in general vicinity of work but not actually working. For example, paper-writer may be sitting at computer typing, but exchanging instant messages or composing blog does not count as progress on paper.


4. Other Task Procrastination. Procrastinator does other unpleasant but unrelated tasks, i.e. cleaning kitchen to put off calling dentist to schedule appointment. Used to assuage guilt of procrastination and provide temporary feeling of accomplishment.


5. Same Task Procrastination. Procrastinator uses closely related task to procrastinate. For example, doing recommended reading to put off required reading, doing easy homework to put off hard homework, vacuuming to avoid dusting. Sick, sick, sick.

This PSA brought to you by Level 3 procrastination.