I'd like a window seat and a hernia, please

So I'm mostly packed, although I've got all that little stuff still hanging around. You know, toothbrush, film, random small things that you think you might need, don't use, and end up stuffing into random corners of your suitcase five minutes before you run out the door. I'm not really sure which random corners they're going in, because my luggage is so full I'm afraid it will burst if I look at it wrong.

I think I've remembered everything, but I know that somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean, I'm going to sit straight up in my tiny seat and go, "Shit." Oh, well, I've got enough other stuff to make up for it. I'm taking a 36"x20"x12" suitcase that weighs approximately one hundred MILLION pounds, a 28" duffel bag that weighs one MILLION pounds, and a laptop case that weighs about 20 lbs. Guess which one of those is a literal weight.

You guessed wrong. It's the suitcase.