Some lists

Products I would like to endorse

I'll endorse them for free, but if you want to pay me money, by all means.

1. Downy Wrinkle Release. I know, it sounds like a scam, but it is the BEST THING EVER. Spray your crushed-by-the-cat-in-the-worst-possible-way shirt, hang it up, and go to sleep. When you get up in the morning, ta-da! Unwrinkled shirt.* Cat hair will still be affixed, however, because it is Downy Wrinkle Release and not Downy Total Miracle.

2. Progresso Soup. So much better than Campbell's. Still tastes like it came from a can, but that's better than tasting like a can is one of the major ingredients (mmm, tin). I enjoyed the Sirloin Steak and Vegetable, and the Chicken Herb Dumpling flavors.

3. Those liquidy highlighters. Perfect for articles and various other sorts of academic drivel that students are made to read. I stole one from my roommate in college and was hooked from there. At that point they only made pink and yellow, so I hope they've expanded their spectrum now that I'm getting ready to go back to school and will need highlighters again.

4. Garner's Modern American Usage The usage Bible. Get one and stop irritating me with your grammatical incompetence.

5. Aussie Leave-In Conditioning Spray. After I ruined my hair with ill-advised dye attempts, this gem of a product went a long way toward keeping my hair on my head. Bonus: I got it on close-out at Walgreens for half price.

6. Target. I realize that this is not so much a product as an entire store, but I love Target, and have on several occasions stated my desire to marry Target. (It is at the top of my "To Be Proposed To" list, right before "Jon Stewart" and "Nit Noi's Padd Thai.") If I got married, I would live in the laundry aisle (best-smelling place in the entire world) and subsist entirely on candy. It's like the ideal life. If I ever had to divorce Target, I would demand half its assets, which is a tidy sum. I might be willing to settle for the entire Issac Mizrahi clothing line and my weight in jelly beans.

^{*Presuming you haven't hung it somewhere that the cats could reach it and pull it off the hanger to re-crush it. True story.}

The Dr. N.N. Mind Food Reference Guide

Foods I won't eat
raw tomatoes
peas
sushi
cucumbers
anything cherry-flavored
bologna
hot dogs
most kinds of nuts
Cheetos
olives
maple syrup
cheese blintzes
pancakes
bacon (breakfast can be quite difficult for me)
black jelly beans
Soda that isn't brown
beer
Fig Newtons
kiwi
dried pineapple or papaya

Foods I don't like, but will tolerate if you're nice to me
hamburgers
Tex-Mex (particularly beans and rice)
most cheese
ketchup

Foods that, based on the previous two lists, you wouldn't think I would like, but which I actually quite enjoy
tomato soup (particularly with grilled cheese sandwiches)
cherries
corn dogs
waffles
cashews