Two Lists

Things my apartment has swallowed recently
My black Dockers
Bottle of Woolite
Roll of Scotch tape
Garden State soundtrack
A pair of black dangly earrings
My GRE scores (set 2)
Blue fountain pen


Stupid things I have done in the kitchen
Forgot a bottle of wine in the freezer, causing it to explode
Dropped an egg and tried to catch it against the cupboard with my knee
Melted a spatula on a burner
Melted Gladware lids in the dishwasher (multiple occasions)
Dropped a tea infuser down the garbage disposal and then fished it out with my fingers (but not before grinding it up a bit)
Whipped softened cream cheese on speed 10 with the Kitchen Aid
Dropped food under a heated burner and allowed it to catch fire not once, not twice, but three times (I blew it out all three times, too. Damn noodles.)