As soon as I have a niece...
I'm totally going to read her
"Advice to Little Girls" by Mark Twain every night before bed, even if I have to call her long-distance to do so. "If at any time you find it necessary to correct your brother, do not correct him with mud—never, on any account, throw mud at him, because it will spoil his clothes. It is better to scald him a little, for then you obtain desirable results. You secure his immediate attention to the lessons you are inculcating, and at the same time your hot water will have a tendency to move impurities from his person, and possibly the skin, in spots."