Equipped to kick your ass

For David, who asked for it and who will have no one to nag him until Tuesday

Do people not understand that if they can't spell, I can't give them my money? Honestly, I don't think it's that difficult a concept.

I was walking by the door of a cell phone shop in our building the other day, and this is the sign on their door that caught my eye: "Equipt for Business: Nextel." I was immediately filled with rage. Equipt? Equipt?! What the hell is that crap? I looked the word up in the dictionary. It's not an acceptable alternate spelling, even if you're the President of the United States of I'm Out of My Mind. I then went to the Nextel website to see if it was some kind of cutesy product name. No. It's not. It's just a stupid slogan that doesn't represent anything except some ad writer's complete and total incompetence.

Now for the rest of my life I will actively boycott Nextel products. I will roll my eyes when they are mentioned and say viciously, "Equipt. Bah."

Honestly, this sort of ridiculousness happens all the time, and I won't stand for it. A few months ago I came out of a mall and found a flier stuck on the windshield of my car. It said: "Mrs. X, Psychic — riliable readings, $10." I was like, if you were really a psychic, lady, you'd have been able to predict how to spell 'reliable.'