Yes, I act like I'm 800 years old. What of it?

I'm looking for playmates to play the following games, which my real friends won't play with me:

Pit
Cribbage
Scrabble
Rack-O
Canasta (If you know how to play this, are under 80, and aren't related to me...it's a miracle.)
Spades
52-card Pick Up (I'll deal)
Uno
Five Crowns
Scattergories ("No adjectives" rule strictly enforced)

Admittedly, I don't have some of these games, which could be impeding our ability to play them. But in general, my friends are much more resistant to board games and cards than I'd like. (Isn't everybody?)

Games my friends will play with me, if reluctantly:
Trivial Pursuit
Hearts
Blackjack
Taboo

And finally, just to weed out the losers...

Games I won't play, except maybe on pain of death, and even then it's not a guarantee:
Charades
Guesswords
Pictionary (Not even on pain of a really horrible death, or Bob Costas)
Checkers
Chess (More because I don't know how than anything)